Graag deel ik een verhaal uit mijn boek "Journey into the Light". Dit boek is alweer een tijdje geleden gepubliceerd, maar als ik een verhaal terug lees of deel tijdens mijn workshop dan blijft het mij en de deelnemers vaak verrassen omdat er in elk verhaal lessen verwerkt staan. En door ze nog eens te lezen, krijg je weer hele andere en nieuwe inzichten.
Het verhaal is het Engels geschreven (het boek is ook Engelstalig) en het gaat over de (innerlijke) dictator, iets waarvan ik jaren geleden dacht dat dit alleen extern was. Het was dus erg gemakkelijk om alleen de vinger naar buiten te wijzen en anderen de schuld te geven van mijn eigen ongemak. Gelukkig heb ik mogen ervaren dat alles wat we buiten ons heen zien en manifesteren een spiegel is van onze eigen werkelijkheid. Veel leesplezier!
After switching jobs in the Netherlands I started working in a new company. The product was not fashionable or matching with any of my interests, but the job position was good, so I decided to go for it.
Meet the boss
The company’s boss was a big tough man from a farmer’s village, with a strong accent. He turned up every day in the same clothes, while I always wondered if it was daily the same blouse and pants he was wearing or that he had different sets of the same clothing in his wardrobe? I also tried to figure out if the coffee spots on his shirt were from yesterday or from the week before, but I could not find the answer.
His voice was heavy and his strong opinions echoed through the building while he was speaking. I always knew when he was at the office and that was most of the time as the worked from early in the morning to late in the night and he expected us to do the same. Work harder, work longer as we need to make more money.
In my job interview he asked me to be direct and standing my ground as that was the way of communicating within the company, no bullshit. They also asked me to help with setting out the new strategies of the company. All new responsible tasks and I could not wait to apply it.
In the meeting
I discovered soon that the boss had his own way of thinking which was very old fashioned and out of date. He wanted it the way he wanted it and there was no way he would change that.
The conversations I had with him about the company strategies turned into raw fights of two bulls in the ring, not willing to give up and surrender. This because I thought I knew it all at this young age and wanted to tell him how it all worked, so he could better listen to me.
He did not wanted to change one single bit in his vision and was stubbornly holding on and blaming me for all unreasonable things. I could not live with a boss like that; our honeymoon period ended soon and I left the company within some months.
The inner boss
Many years later I discovered my inner boss, whom was actually an exact copy of him. This part of me was strong, knew it all, overruling others and having one vision where everybody had to flow with. It even became my new nickname at the school; The boss.
The teachings of Master Choy helped me to de-mask this part of me and face what was happening in real life in order to transform it. How I was the commentator and the manager towards others, while at the same time I was doing this to my own inner world. How strict I was towards myself and how I had been stubbornly bossing myself around in order to achieve what I want, full of expectations and hardness.
I learnt to connect to and develop my inner soft (bossy) self. The one who could effortlessly achieve what she wanted to achieve. It was a part of me which was receptive and open to listen to what others had to share. It was the intermediary instead of the dictator. This was exactly the kind of boss which I wished for at that young age too, but the outer was a manifestation of the inner.
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