Image of love
The difference between real love and the image of love.
Most of my life I was striving for an image of love. I thought I would get love and feel loved when being in a relationship, doing good in my job and striving for the image of the perfect woman having all under control. Not long after I discovered this was empty and was not giving me the contentment I was looking for. There were moments of highs and achievement, but they did not last very long and never gave me this underlying fulfilled feeling. That was the same with love in my relationships. I felt I was often longer for something deeper, for more and for real fulfilment, the 'click'. But I never could reach it fully.
It took me many years to discover what this 'it' was. It is a feeling which had to start within myself first. A feeling of contentment, inner peace and stillness. Because only from there the real thing could grow. Love for myself, love for others and love in my relationship. And again seeing that this love is not the love I had in mind, but something completely different.
And still nowadays it seems to be like a constant journey of discovery. Through actions I am able to find out what is the real thing and what is based on an image or a picture which belongs to the old conditions of how we have been taught in school. Things can be perfect or romantic fantasied in my mind, but turn out to be distasters as I am not in my heart. When it is not the real thing, it leaves me empty, longing for more, hoping something would give me a fix or fulfil what is underneath. Those moments are powerful to realise it is something created by the mind, with an alternative motive to fill up the void inside.
The real thing is different, something which I can't capture. It is new and surprising and comes in at moments I least expect. I cannot plan it or want it to be there exactly when I want it to be, no it is there in moments when my heart opens, in little gestures and in conversations that flow from purity, honesty and openness. It is there when I open my whole being to receive and allow myself to connect to what is. This can be with a human being but also through nature when I slow down and just be, I feel this presence of love connecting us all. It feels like a magical unseen language we all speak but never have learnt to speak. Deep down in our hearts we know. Only the doorway to this has not been shown before.
For me it has now and it starts from within and from there this is a secret relationship to grow with yourself and love. By having the right tools and guidance it is the way to achieve higher depth in life, with yourself and with your partner. Only you can make that change! Not only while being in a relationship or connecting to love, because the days I was single, it was for me so powerful and necessary to learn. Those are the moments of change! As the journey starts within, it is you with you. I had to clear the pathway and let go of the old, in order to learn something new to add to my existing life.
YES is what I have to say to love and to myself.