I used to be very judgmental towards others and myself. I had high expectations of how things should be and look. Outer appearance was very important for me and therefor in my search for a perfect man I always judged on the outer first. I was looking for a complete match of the outer and inner. To do with looks, education, job, money and even cars! An impossible picture to reach, yet all I was looking for.
It took me many years to let go off all my accumulated layers and high expectations. First I had to strip down all those layers within myself in order to discover who I really am. I was being projected on with many beliefs of man who basically saw me as a sexy blondie. I always questioned why nobody really looked beyond that and the answer was that I did not have looked beyond that to discover my true being and the treasures I carried within. While having changed that picture of myself over the past years it has changed how man look at me nowadays. It changed from a sexy lust object to being respected as a woman who carries beauty inside and around her.
From here I felt more stable and ready to attract someone who could meet my needs. And that were not my personal ego needs but a deeper longing from my soul to connect with another soul.
Nowadays I can tell you that I have met this person who came into my life. It took us some years to come together as a couple because simply we were both not ready for it. There were layers of our own ego we had to let go, transform and heal first in order to connect.
It was last summer I felt the calling in my heart, a small voice who said yes, it was a jump, a risk and trust into the unknown because this feeling what I felt was something different than before, it was unknown and new. But during the moment we connected for the first time I felt this was right, this is meant to be and this is something way deeper than I thought it was. I felt as if the whole universe was cheering us, applauding us and I felt supported by invisible beings and a connection of many lifetimes came together.
It has show me that it is possible, to find the ideal. And not in a sense of the ideal person in the way I thought, longed and wished for. But the ideal on the level of the soul. That two beings are coming together for a purpose, to support each other, help each other to grow and heal. It has been an tremendous deep healing journey for me since that moment onward. We have seen the deepest ugliest parts of each other and at the same time we connect to the most wonderful radiant qualities we see in each other and ourselves. It feels like a true celebration and creation of the universe. It feels we are together for a reason and purpose which is yet so unknown for us. But we trust and know we are on the right path which is unfolding and will bring us to the next step at the ripe time.